I have received a lot of questions lately about how to deal with a tricky bridesmaid situations. I thought it was about time to share with you a few must do’s and must not do’s when approaching these delicate BM affairs.
BM assistance
DO: You need to talk openly with your bridesmaids, tell them what you expect/need from them when you first approach them for the job… err… privilege.
DON’T: Expect your maids to read your mind about what you want from them. It may not be obvious to them and it will only end is disappointment for you and confusion for them.
The BM Dresses
DO: Take your BM’s out for a glass of wine and nibbles to discuss your ideas on colour, style and budget. Ask for their opinion and see if you can all work together, afterall they have to wear the dress and keep it after the wedding.
DON’T: Choose an overly expensive dress, expect your BM’s to buy it and love it when they weren’t even consulted in the final decision.
Money matters
DO: Keep in mind that everyone has a budget, and everyone has a different budget. Be sensitive around what you expect from your maids and have an open discussion about what will need to be paid for in the coming months. What do they expect to pay for? Make sure everyone’s expectations are the same.
DON’T: Assume that your maids will hand over cash here, there and everywhere.
Dealing with arguments
DO: Accept that there will be differences of opinion, and while it is your day, you should feel honoured to have BM’s that care so much. However, if you feel they are ruining the excitement of the day and rocking the boat, you need to go for coffee with her and tell her what you are disappointed about, get her side of the story. Perhaps ask her if she really wants to be a BM – you may find that she is finding it too demanding.
DON’T: Complain to your other BM’s and plot to fire her! It is a fast way of losing a great friend. Find out what is going on for her – she may have a good reason to be upset.
BM hierarchy
DO: Give all your BM’s a special role in the wedding. Sometimes your friends will question why they are number three down the BM line, instead of your Maid of Honour. Make all your friends feel special by appointing them all with a meaningful role, such as doing a reading for the service, or signing the register, singing a song (if they can of course) etc.
DON’T: Make a big deal about why this person is your Maid of Honour and another is only a BM. They are obviously all special to you so make them all feel that way.
Wow, it seems like it is a hard task to keep everyone happy, but really the main thing to remember is to be open and honest with your best pals and make sure everyone knows how special they are to you.
Don’t you wish we were like men, who seem to sort out their issues relatively simply.
Groomsmen: “Hey buddy, you want me to wear that???”
Groom: “Yep”
Groomsmen: “Cool.” Full stop. End of story.
If you are unsure what roles you can ask your bridesmaids to play check out our article on Who does what.
Hope this has helped a few of you. If you have any specific issues that I haven’t covered leave a comment below and I’ll answer your specific question…
Kate x
Drop by our Facebook Page also – we have a great community of other brides ready to help each other with these issues.